A Trafficker in Climaxes

I am fully aware that my style is mostly lame, which makes being told that a pretty little shirt, a nice toy or something I find cool is “So Darliza” odd and at the same time, very, very pleasant . Is there really such a thing as “Very Darliza”? I do not even know my place in the world or what I really like or what I really want or how I wanna look so it’s surprising to me that some people associate me with a certain look, a certain approach or a certain feel.

It’s like trademark, one which I have (apparently) subconsciously cultivated over the years. Okay.

High Fidelity

On a slightly related note, let me talk to you about tastes. Tastes matter and I mostly judge people (inaccurately, sometimes) based on the things they like. I find people who have good tastes and/or have tastes like mine to be more attractive than those who veer too far away from the things I enjoy doing. People who read, who like good movies, who listen to music  and who like science and technology are infinitely more interesting to me compared to those  who listen to mostly Lady Gaga and only watch no-brainer, blockbuster movies.

Funnily enough, I have a lot of friends that I have been friends for years and I don’t really share the same interests with. They like sports and enjoy pop songs and (I’m presuming) do not even know a lot of bands that I like. But don’t get me wrong, they are great people and I love them to death and I’m lucky to have met them on different circumstances.

However, if you are an acquaintance and I find out that you paid at least $3 to watch a really lame movie such as Twilight Eclipse on its opening weekend then ended up really liking it, we don’t have much chance of being friends. I would understand watching the first movie (I saw it in the theaters too. It’s a dark secret I keep.), but I was too horrified about how everything about it sucked to even talk about how I paid to watch it. It was so bad.

I know that all this talk is lengthy and choppy and reeks too much of superiority complex but this really isn’t a post about that. I’m just being honest. I know that in tastes and preferences, there should be no debate but you can’t really expect to be friends with someone who hates the things you like.

What’s your Toy Story?

It’s either I’m running out of things to say or I don’t really feel like talking/writing.  So here are photos to mark the week. Oh, the title’s a Metric song, if you didn’t know that yet. If you don’t know Metric, that’s another story (and GTFO!  :P).

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin

This band is awesome and they’ve released a couple of singles for their upcoming album, Let It Sway. Both songs are really good. I am excited.

Scott Pilgrim VS The World video game

The trailer was released several hours ago and it’s awesome! It’s in 8-bit-ish graphics with gameplay that has the potential to keep me up nights. I know that I’m not really a gamer but whatever. Im’a play this game ’til my fingers bleed. There’s a co-op mode too so I can play this with my boyfriend/friends!

SingleMedia.Deviantart

The dude is my boyfriend. I took the photo one Sunday afternoon while we were heading to the mall to watch Prince of Persia. He made this for his deviantart ID or badge or whatever. As you can see, the boy got skillz.

Scott Pilgrim VS the World shirt design

I’ll be sporting this in a few weeks. *i’m so cool* hurrr. And oh, my boyfriend made that for me! :)

My hard disk died on me earlier this week. For the 30 hours that I was out of town over the weekend, an army of vicious ants marched towards my HD, killed it and then built a nest on its body. My lovely tan was welcomed with a disk read error. It wasn’t very pleasant but the corpse wasn’t my main media storage so moving on was relatively easy. What is almost-unbearable though is the lonely lull  that permeates around my room without the desktop. Even with a nice laptop and all my songs, TV shows and movies present, it still gets lonely. It’s totally not an overstatement to say how much my desktop PC gives my room life. In fact, it may be the only life this room ever had. Ha! A sad Michael Johnson song. How apt.

Stupid ants.

Another un-pleasantry that this unfortunate incident brought into my life is not having any means to monitor the songs I listen to. Ever since I (finally!) got Last.fm’s scrobbler thing installed, I can’t quite get over it. It’s the most beautiful app for someone who listens to music often and is obsessed with lists and annals (lolol i still laugh at that word. i’m so mature.) at the same time. I’ve been looking for ways to upload scrobbles from my iPod touch but all means found were in vain. The songs I can listen to on the site’s radio were also limited and my PayPal account is 2 dorrars short for the subscription. However, after badgering my friends endlessly, someone finally gave me $2 so I could subscribe to the Last.fm radio. I am now enjoying beautiful music without limits. Also, uploads by cool people from tumblr!

I hate how several days this week have become nondescript. I try to remember details but I get absorbed with learning a lot about the new job I’m in that I forget to pay attention to things that might make one day different from the other. I generally enjoy each day but nothing has been memorable. Except Monday and Tuesday and Thursday nights maybe because they were spent with teh boyfriend.

This post is so dull lol. Anyway, pictures!

I spent my weekend here. It was very, very nice.

The clutter in my room is not girly. Instead of bracelets and other accessories, I have wires. LOTS OF IT.

I started work this week and I’m tired. It’s not due to laboring over at the office though. It’s mainly due to the sudden change in sleeping patterns and my body’s inability to cope with the alteration during the first few days. My shift is earlier than my usual wake-up hours  and my body’s suffering as a consequence but give it time and it’ll be back to normal. I hope.

Work is amazing. I am surrounded with extremely intelligent people who have excellent technical, people and language skillz and whom I know I can learn a lot from. It’s crazy how smart and talented they all are to the point that they make me doubt my own abilities knowing I’m the only one in the team who’s without a title (one has two titles even! lolz). The only thought that consoles me is knowing that getting a job with a lot of other people as competition speaks of my potential to be just as great as my teammates are. Haha. I hope.

I know my diagram sucks. Shut up.

Basing on the presumption that a good job is something that fits what you love doing, what you are good at, and what people would pay you for, this job is more than good. I have always subscribed to the philosophy that when you do something you love, success and money will follow. It’s a great job because I know that I can be really good at it and knowing that people see me for what I can contribute is really heartwarming. It’s also something I can do for a long time because I learn something new with every project.

Nothing is stale. Nothing is boring. I am so blessed. ^^

Anyway, if you are one of those people who are unfortunately not quite so happy with their job or with the paths that their careers are going (sadface :( ), I suggest you think about it. I know it’s too early for me to know if I end up successful or not but right now, the future looks bright. Do something that you are eager to wake up early in the morning for. It will be worth it in the long run.

Here’s a cute hamster to help you ponder about it:

I decided (just now) that I’ll be keeping my hair short this year. I never really had short short hair before because the density and texture of my hair tend to be painstakingly  uncontrollable. I grew up hating my hair because it was dry and dull but when a neighbor barber brought out my curls through layers, I fell in love with my hair and grew it as long as this:

But I think I’ve had enough of long hair. I really like it but it tends to be heavy, flat and hard to manage. Also, given the almost-unbearable climate that my country has this year, long hair is uncomfortable and hot. Really hot.

However, this decision isn’t just a matter of comfort. I also feel like I’ve had only a few hairstyles in my lifetime. I know that I never really cared much for looks and never thought about hairstyling as a big deal but life is too short to be afraid of haircuts. I need a little more adventure and if a short trip to the salon every month or so is what it takes to reduce the dullness in my life, then bring it on, scissors. I am not afraid of you!

Anyway, here are some inspiring photos of girl crushes with short curly/wavy hair.

Morena Baccarin. If you don’t know her, GTFO!

Ala. I’ve always liked her style. And she looks adorable with short hair.

So a number of downright awesome things happened the past few days. Last week was crazy but it was a good kind of crazy – I graduated, I was interviewed (for the third time) for a job I would love to have, I silently partied with friends, five houses several blocks away from my house burnt to ashes, two firetrucks rushed to our neighborhood and parked in front of our house, I celebrated a year of being together with my boyfriend, my friend gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, among many many other things.

Graduating was really cool and it’s the highlight of the entire month of April. I know I’ve said numerous times before how graduation is just a silly ritual and how it’s negligible and blah blah but the commencement exercises last week felt surprisingly good. I felt so fulfilled, everything felt right and I just took it all in knowing how I deserved that day.

All the good things that have happened and are happening to me are overwhelming and my heart is flooded with so much thanks and praise. I have never felt so good about myself and about everyone and everything that surround me and have been with me all these years. I seriously can’t think of anything else to say right now but thankfully, I have prepared my own speech to mark the end of this very important part of my life. It’s like my own valedictory address to the people who have greatly influenced me and whom I couldn’t have ever done this without.

I am not one who give credit to gods/deities/voodoo for my achievements but I honestly believe that I couldn’t have done this without a powerful energy hovering over me during the last years of toil and turmoil. For this major milestone in my life, I would like to thank The Force, The Intelligent Designer and what my mom refers to as The Almighty, for giving me the strength to move on even during trying times and for giving me back the courage and belief in myself that I thought have long been gone. I call you The Force for a reason. Thank you.

I would like to thank my friends from high school, college and online, and especially my partner, Jonathan for always supporting and encouraging me in all of my decisions and for being a good influence in my personal and academic choices. Thank you for keeping me focused and for steering me back to the right direction every time I go astray. You guys are my personal cheerleaders and mentors. I will be forever grateful for having you around.

To the people in the industry who have inspired me to do what I do and become great at it, to my former colleagues and to IWC in general, thank you. You took me in even when I had so little to give and taught me a lot of things I couldn’t have learned anywhere else. You are all cool and I’m sorry for being so silent all the time.

To my Mom for giving me undying inspiration to finish this project to the very end, for respecting every decision I’ve made and for letting me make mistakes knowing that mistakes are some of the best lessons I could ever have. Ma, thank you for always supporting me in every endeavor I take, no matter how senseless they might seem and for constantly believing in me even when I fail. Thank you for always being proud of me even when I am not deserving of it and for always having faith. Thank you for devoting your life to me and I’m sorry that I cannot be the best daughter. You have my heart and I dedicate this lifetime to give back to you what you have selflessly given me.

I would like to thank my thesis adviser, Miss Pauline Wade, for taking me in as her advisee for the second time and for showing me the right path into making this project so much more than what I have initially thought it would be. Thank you to all my teachers – from grade school, to high school to college – for all the academic challenges which, when seen in retrospect, are some of the most meaningful lessons that have shaped my character, have brought out the best in me and have made me realize that I can keep going long after I think I can’t.

To everyone else who has been a part of this journey, no matter how little or how big your roles have been, thank you!

It’s time for me to face the “real world”. I’ve always felt like I’ve been having slices of it for the last few years but I have to be in it full-time now. Can’t say I’m not scared but I’m excited more than anything. HUZZAH.

This is an excerpt from Carl Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space. It talks about the photo of the same name, Pale Blue Dot, taken by Voyager I on February 14, 1990. You can also watch a video of it here.

This has helped me a lot in realizing how trivial my worries are. It helped me get over my first major bout of QLC.  Love the picture, love the excerpt. You really get a sense of the microcosm that Earth is by reading Carl Sagan’s words.

Our problems, our quarrels, and our lives seem so insignificant when looking at it all this way.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Douglas Adams
English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 – 2001)

Deadlines and quarter life crises are up to my neck, and they might drown me soon. I have a horrible, horrible feeling every time I think of what the future holds for me. My dreams and my principles are battling against each other and I feel so helpless so I turn to my deadlines and drown myself with them more.

Lately, I feel like I have stopped living and just started worrying. If worrying can kill, I am long dead by now. If worrying is contagious, I may have subconsciously invented a way for it to seep through your monitors right now and kill you as well, even if you are miles away. My anxiety is that powerful.

I need to stop worrying and just do what I have to do and then watch where my efforts take me. I sometimes forget my younger self, the one who has no care for the world. The one who still worries, yes, but doesn’t let the anxiety consume her.

I am an anxiety zombie. I lose sleep over the things that aren’t happening yet. I need to reinstate my ego somewhere lower in my head and just let it simmer there and let it calm down and stop thinking of how breaking it would be the death of me. I am more than my ego, after all. Or am I? ha!  A personal millennium prize problem.

Btw, today’s my favorite author’s death day. I was reminded of it through an SMS from trusty little Google Calendar. That app is amazing, I tell you. To celebrate, I should be reading something KVJ but deadlines are still looming over the horizon and I cannot given in to this little personal commemoration of my dear love’s passing. However, let me share to you one of my favorite quotes of his, and one that I try to live by. This quote is a timely reminder too, considering my current predicament.

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can’t see from the center.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Novelist, Over-all cool guy (1922-2007)

I’ll try to do that without frightening myself to death. Thank you, KVJ.

Credits:

Illustration by Jim Rugg. Further information on Rugg: STREETANGELCOMICS.COM

Further information on Kurt Vonnegut: VONNEGUT.COM

What do you want me to do? LEAVE? Then they’ll keep being wrong!

This xkcd comic is an accurate summary of my life; or the part of it that I spend on the internet anyway (which is A LOT). Yes, I am extremely condescending online and I am not very fond of people whom I have major differences with. I tend to impose my thoughts and opinions on forums but I’m learning to just give up on it and move on, because yknow, it gets boring after some time. Also, I get pleasure in pissing others to the point of them losing their control, slipping into infractions and getting banned. I have tried it and it is very sweet indeed.

The Holy Week is quiet and slow and it gave me a chance to inspect my life.

I confuse myself. :(

I don’t seem to fit into any stereotype which might be cool but really I do, and not just one but A LOT. I feel like I’m too cool to be a geek and I’m too geeky to be cool. An extrovert who grew up to be so introverted to the point of distress. It’s funny how I was “awarded” the Gift of Gab in high school only to end up to losing the ability to chat several years later (okay, I chat but not offline¹).

I am a walking contradiction. :(

I do not know my niche.

Which geek are you? Click photo.

I know that I geek over some things but I am not a geek on any field. I like comics but I’m not into mainstream Marvel/DC superheroes. I like movies, but I like them all. I download a lot and watch too little of it. I like TV shows but it’s agonizing to watch them endlessly for an entire day.  My attention span cannot stand it. I like books and my interest in them might be the one thing that can win me an otaku spot but I haven’t been reading enough books lately. I like Physics but I have lost confidence in Math to actually excel in it. I was tormented with too much Math before I could learn to like it. Numbers are boring, applications of it and theorizing over the universe on the other hand, is übercool. Also, I like music but I fail at playing any instruments. I admit though that it is more of a failure in trying than anything else. Trying to learn an instrument is hard when you are surrounded with insanely talented people. I love programming and coding but I don’t have the grades to show for it. Also, I can be too shy.

I do not fit in. :( ²

¹ Yes, that’s a Sheldon Cooper quote for you.
² :P I am constipated. lol

P.S. I can’t believe I forgot to link the comic to xkcd.